How to get the girl you want in 5 steps!

See the girl of your dreams but have no idea how to approach them? Let’s take a look at the 5 easy steps you can take to snag her!

Aha! There she is, the girl of your dreams. Ever wonder what about her that caught your attention? Following Knapp’s Relational Development Model, you are now currently at the first stage called Initiating. This is where you rely on your first impressions to decide if she is the girl you want to have a relationship with or not. Screening and filtering occurs here as you now decide if she’s the girl you want to impress. In fact, before you go over and chat her up, take a look at your dressing first. Are you dressed to impress? Physical appearance plays a very important role here. People are usually very self-conscious about their verbal and non-verbal behavior, to portray the best of themselves. Conversations tend to be light, safe and friendly, and responses are used to survey the possibility of closer relationships.

Well, now that you have managed to get her attention and interest, how you proceed on from here is very crucial. You either proceed as a couple to the next stage, or remain as acquaintances. The next stage of Knapp’s model that you are now at would be Experimenting, and this is when the two of you start to ‘feel each other out’. There are attempts to find common ground between the two of you through self-disclosure and reciprocity. You share more information with each other on the cultural, social and psychological information. Does she love rock climbing? Or, hey, she enjoys watching soccer too! In other words, you make small talk to further your relationship.

So she has interest in you too! Now that the two of you are interested in each other, you will now be at the Intensifying stage. The both of you start disclosing more of your feelings and thoughts to the other party. You acknowledge that she is the girl you want. There is an increase in commitment, awareness and participation. Both of you are also willing to associate yourselves with the other party, thinking of yourselves as a “we”.

You know you are at the 4th stage of Knapp’s model called the Integration when people start to see you as a couple. You know her character well and acknowledge all of her faults and vice versa, for the deepest level of self-disclosure occurs here. There’s coupling of individual characters into a relational unit. Both of you are glad to show through your actions and behaviors, that “We are a couple!”

Congratulations! It has been a long journey but you are now at the final stage of the coming together part of Knapp’s Model of Relational Development, called Bonding. In this stage, both of you formalizes the obligation and commitment you have to each other. You proudly proclaim it to the rest of the world through significant public rituals such as having a trip down to the Registry of Marriage, or having a child.


Got all of the five steps down? Now good luck as you go on your hunt! :)